And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
