K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
