whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
