Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
