Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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