Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
