I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
