Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
