and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
