Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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