Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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