That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
