Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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