the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I think my vagina is haunted
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
sex in a hospital.. check
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
