i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My dick has a subreddit
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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