I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
