woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Randomize
