ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
