You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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