The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
