I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We're too hungover to prance.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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