Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
