took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
