$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
