are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
