You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
