I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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