dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
