I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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