he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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