too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
