she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
