how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
