Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
