am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
