He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sorry my hands just texted you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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