how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
