she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
