Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
we're so committed to being not committed
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
