a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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