i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
