I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
