I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
