I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
