alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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