What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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