If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
