I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
