I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
