totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
