i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just pee around me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
