He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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