my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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